Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
