I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
