also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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