I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
