is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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