Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
