I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
