nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize