This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
