I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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