i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
