I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
