I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
