so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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