I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
