I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize