I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
