I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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