there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
