So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize