Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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