I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
