hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
