Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize