He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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