She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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