Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
