It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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