The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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