u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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