So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
