And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize