i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
