I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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