dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We left an ass print on the piano.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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