she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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