no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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