dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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