I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Vodka?
Forever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I touched a dick in church today
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