i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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