I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
