dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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