hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
