I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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