I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
