i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
