I want to have your abortion
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
