SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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