It's Friday. Sex?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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