yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
