she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
