so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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