God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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