CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
