i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
