Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize