I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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