when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
