i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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