She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
