No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
