I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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