every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
