Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
