I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
