just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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