Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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