my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
