i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
