someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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